disillusioned...

as some of u mite have already known.. i got the rejection letter from mas a few days ago.. 2 days i think.. well.. that was kinda expected la.. and im kinda over it now..

but today there's another rejection that i have to face.. the big4 shortlisted candidates are out liao.. and pwc has left me out.. WHY??

well looking at the list i see quite alot of the dean's list ppl.. makes a lot of sense.. but there are obviously a lot of other ppl on the list too..

i was wondering if they mite have picked ppl based on achievements.. non-academic and academic included.. well i remember there was this part of the form that asked for achievements or something like that and i think i left it blank.. and there was this other part that asked for more details about ourselves.. i left it blank too!! and msP was asking me whether i uploaded my photo.. i didn't.. din think it was important.. but now i think it mite have been too!!

and it's like kow.. ur whole life is being judged by a stupid form that wasn't filled in properly.. and i guess well.. now i realli need to learn how to prepare myself for interviews and stuff.. and not jus take everything for granted..

in a way everything's been pretty smooth sailing for the past say, twenty years.. there was psle and i went to sec skool.. and after sec skool i went jc.. and after jc though i din manage to do well enough for other stuff, getting to where i am now is kinda ok too.. and i guess so far everything has been based on results.. something which i guess i do reasonably ok in.. exams are a passive way of testing ability i think.. u can go through the whole system of education and take and complete ur exams without speaking a word.. dun haf to do anything.. jus sit there, listen, and write..

but the real world is really a different thing.. gotta interact with ppl.. and i suppose the protective shell of a school, of a SYSTEM, doesn't apply anymore..

there's no more automatic progression onto the next stage.. no more elitism.. (heh..)and now everything is just based on everything that i don't have.. being confident, being outspoken, being assertive... (and as i write this, the images of the mas interview, of the managers looking like *what the hell is she saying*, are repeatedly being played back in my head..)

and msP.. i jus asked my fren who got in and she said she posted her photo.. haha.. though i dun think that realli realli matters la..

(hmm but then again, i gave my photos for the other 3 cos!)

aiya!!!!!

im jus feeling really disillusioned now la.. it's a shen me ye zuo bu hao kinda feeling.. that i s**k at eveerything.. eeeek

and i guess im just being jealous la.. cos i see a couple of my counterparts, my exclassmates getting in.. but i didn't... well i know one of them stays in hall and she's got a gd eca and everything... but the other one, i dun really know what she does now.. whether she has any eca or not, but i know she's smart la.. but she's the soft-spoken, quieter-than-me (gasp!) kind..

i think i jus need to know what went wrong.. jus tell me why i din get in.. i jus want an explanation as to why!

u know.. it's like.. at least let me know why/how i died..

sigh...