=)

well i thought this was quite a significant thing to happen so i shld record it down...
today i had the EY interview in the afternoon...
and at around 8pm they called me to give me an offer..
first i was like..
WAH.. so efficient!
next i was like.. ehh... 8pm they still working ah??
but anw im kinda relieved now la..
got job liao!
see whether DT calls tmr...

i think i know why...

i think msN is rite! i've kinda reached a conclusion as to why i din get selected for pwc interview... it's cos i already failed it once.. but hey.. ppl do change.. it's been a year since the last interview.. what makes them think im still the same person?

ah.. i'm jus glad i din spend too much time trying to fill up the form...

.............

i guess it mite have been the effect of everything coupled together.. the mas rejection, yesterday's terrible paper, last week's terrible paper, the end of the very nice serial, and today's rejection... everything happening one after another such that a small little thing like the pwc thing actually made me feel like crying..

it's kinda like the time i got straight Bs for my exams.. initial reaction was: oh...
and after some time i jus gradually felt like crying..

i do believe that on a normal day i would probably only have felt a slight tinge of disappointment (wrt PWC), but today i jus felt so down that if i din try to control my thoughts i'd prob become so upset that i'll cry..

im feeling alot better now though, after thinking happy thoughts.. thinking positive, that maybe there'll be a second round, or that maybe i'll be happier working elsewhere, or that this is a SIGN that i'll become a singer after all.. ahha..

disillusioned...

as some of u mite have already known.. i got the rejection letter from mas a few days ago.. 2 days i think.. well.. that was kinda expected la.. and im kinda over it now..

but today there's another rejection that i have to face.. the big4 shortlisted candidates are out liao.. and pwc has left me out.. WHY??

well looking at the list i see quite alot of the dean's list ppl.. makes a lot of sense.. but there are obviously a lot of other ppl on the list too..

i was wondering if they mite have picked ppl based on achievements.. non-academic and academic included.. well i remember there was this part of the form that asked for achievements or something like that and i think i left it blank.. and there was this other part that asked for more details about ourselves.. i left it blank too!! and msP was asking me whether i uploaded my photo.. i didn't.. din think it was important.. but now i think it mite have been too!!

and it's like kow.. ur whole life is being judged by a stupid form that wasn't filled in properly.. and i guess well.. now i realli need to learn how to prepare myself for interviews and stuff.. and not jus take everything for granted..

in a way everything's been pretty smooth sailing for the past say, twenty years.. there was psle and i went to sec skool.. and after sec skool i went jc.. and after jc though i din manage to do well enough for other stuff, getting to where i am now is kinda ok too.. and i guess so far everything has been based on results.. something which i guess i do reasonably ok in.. exams are a passive way of testing ability i think.. u can go through the whole system of education and take and complete ur exams without speaking a word.. dun haf to do anything.. jus sit there, listen, and write..

but the real world is really a different thing.. gotta interact with ppl.. and i suppose the protective shell of a school, of a SYSTEM, doesn't apply anymore..

there's no more automatic progression onto the next stage.. no more elitism.. (heh..)and now everything is just based on everything that i don't have.. being confident, being outspoken, being assertive... (and as i write this, the images of the mas interview, of the managers looking like *what the hell is she saying*, are repeatedly being played back in my head..)

and msP.. i jus asked my fren who got in and she said she posted her photo.. haha.. though i dun think that realli realli matters la..

(hmm but then again, i gave my photos for the other 3 cos!)

aiya!!!!!

im jus feeling really disillusioned now la.. it's a shen me ye zuo bu hao kinda feeling.. that i s**k at eveerything.. eeeek

and i guess im just being jealous la.. cos i see a couple of my counterparts, my exclassmates getting in.. but i didn't... well i know one of them stays in hall and she's got a gd eca and everything... but the other one, i dun really know what she does now.. whether she has any eca or not, but i know she's smart la.. but she's the soft-spoken, quieter-than-me (gasp!) kind..

i think i jus need to know what went wrong.. jus tell me why i din get in.. i jus want an explanation as to why!

u know.. it's like.. at least let me know why/how i died..

sigh...

recap

my blog's been empty for like 10days.. well... i guess the biggest event so far, (other than the exams) would be the interview.. (which i screwed up.. but never mind..)

wat i'd like to talk abt though, is that i got a pretty good impression of mas after i got out of there.. or at least.. a gd impression of the ppl there.. the managers, as u all mite have seen already, are pretty good looking... (so far i think the clare or claire looks really good..)

then there was the mini sharing session with two senior officers.. not too senior though.. they've only been there for like one year... one's a local scholar and one's an overseas scholar.. (ah well..) and these are a few takeaways from the session:

1. one of them was just asking abt wat we look for in a job, and that if we want quality of life, mas has it.. pretty good working hours.. most ppl leave by 6..
   
2. it's only good to stay in there for abt 3 years (if u wanna rise fast) cos after that time, u'll prob be losing out to ur peers in terms of salary...
   
3. but well, it seems that most ppl there really enjoy what they're doing... and it's the sort where u realli dun mind the kinda pay u get.. (well... cos the pay's not all that pathetic..)
4. they kept emphasising that EVERYONE there is smart.. which i do believe la.. but wow.. it'll b pretty pressurising.. and i recall one of them saying something like.. "it's not something u see very often.." haha... reminds me of something i read in someone else's blog...
   
5. well, altogether i saw about 5 mas ppl.. 2 mgrs and 3 officers.. they were all pretty friendly.. esp the officers.. the hr officer that's been contacting us is like damn polite.. and nice and all.. and oh.. she said we didn't need to wear a blazer..
   
6. the other 2 that were in the sharing session were also VERY friendly.. in fact, other than giving us their name cards, they said we could call them any time and ask them out for lunch or sth..
   
7. oh and they also said we could ask them anything that wasn't mas-related too.. and like i said i was interested in IB, and one of them jus said she has a fren doing DBS m&a and she said she could give me his/her contact.. i'm like wow.. they're really helpful!!

and well at the end of it i jus thought it mite be quite nice to work in mas after all.. and that u know.. IB is gd money but terribly no life.. (not like i have very much of a social life, and not as if i could get into IB.. but ... u get wat i mean..) and well.. they said if i get into the next round of interview i'd be contacted within 2 weeks... which means 2 weeks from the 10th... 24th? yeah.. around there.. but im not expecting anything la.. as i said, i did SCREW UP.. and i do think going through interviews require a bit of experience.. so this shall be part of my experience building.. and hey.. i think i really ren4 ming4 to becoming an auditor.. (ah i hope im not being too arrogant, thinking that confirm will get into one of the big4..)

ah wellz... and IT IS THE LAST PAPER THIS FRIDAY!! gdness.. the last paper of this semester.. actually i think i'll miss it.. cos during exam period i'm like totally commitment-free.. i do whatever i want (with the exception of shopping), and i get to skip all my meetings... everything my mom tells me to do i say sorry i need to study... all the planning for the concert i jus dump on my counterparts.. no need to practice my steps.. no need to do fyp.. basically i jus get to watch all the tv i want.. pretty cool huh.. exam period is gd...

and just a last bit of recap of the interview... there were 4 other candidates, 2 being china scholars... from nus.. and while they were handing up their certs, i, being the kpo, decided to peek and i jus saw plenty of As and variants of it.. (i.e. A- and A+)... when i saw them i was jus... kow.. i'm out of the competition liao la..

this other china guy has got work experience in the states..

the only other girl has a masters..

i'm like.. jaw-drop... these people really have what it takes la.. as in they're what u really think a smart person should be like... dynamic, outgoing, the take-charge kind.. basically, they have the words "i haf wat it takes" written all over them..

basically amongst them i've got the lousiest grades, and physically im the shortest... really got no presence.. aiya..

ah well.. anw i said im not hoping for anything now... i jus wanna get A for the paper on friday!!

yup... so goodnight!

this was written on 5 Nov

the crazy blogger is down again.. takes damn ultra long to load.. but guess what? i became smart... haha.. i decided to type my stuff onto notepad and cut n paste it when the darn thing's finished loading.. (which i doubt it will..)

well anyway.. 304 paper's over.. but that's not the topic for today..

i'm in a 'very tired but i refuse to sleep' mode now.. which is why im here.. and i guess that's almost all of the reason why i blog.. haha...

well... dunno if i've mentioned this before, but ever since my father's gone outta town, i've been sleeping in my mom's room.. meaning i sleep with someone beside me everyday... i was pretty reluctant at first.. cos i kinda like sleeping alone without disturbances.. and ya know.. even though my mom's bed is nice, big and comfy, her nagging is not.. sometimes if i kena scolding it'll follow all the way to bedtime.. but well.. that is also not the point now..

the point IS, my little cousins are here to stay today.. and my mom decided to have them sleep with her.. which means i'm now back in my own room.. ALONE.. Great, you might think... but no.. i'm kinda feeling weird having to sleep on my own now.. it feels.. lonely.. and kinda scary too.. im starting to understand why my mom wanted me to sleep with her now.. sleeping alone is a feeling that needs getting used to.. well.. everytime my dad comes home i feel like how i feel now.. but after the first day, i'm happy alone again..

but for my mom.. after some 20 years of sleeping with company, i guess it really requires time for adjustment.. and well.. one person on one big bed can get kinda scary if u can't sleep and ur thoughts run wild..

oh and guess what? i think the computer is a must-do routine if i wanna sleep in my room.. after typing for a couple of minutes, i'm now quite ok with the idea of sleeping here now.. i guess i need time to breathe in the air here and condition myself abit.. haha..

and msN if u're reading this now.. u know why i'm sitting so front even though my surname aint exactly a very early one?? that's because we're seated according to matric no!! i realised that after we all sat down and i was looking around.. and i was burning to tell u that.. and that thot jus popped up occasionally while i did the paper.. and also when they came to collect the papers.. but somehow when we were 'released' i jus forgot all abt it.. but ah.. i guess u'll prob haf realised this urself..

and i was watching terminator 3 jus now on tv.. and u know.. there's all that stuff about robots coming from the future.. and in a way the future couldn't be changed and judgment day couldn't be avoided... i think that's a damn interesting thing.. the thing about things from the future happening now.. it made me recall a scene in potter3.. where harry and hermione used the time twister or watever u call it thingy to go into the future.. so weird! it's like.. a something from the future comes into the present.. and in/directly causes certain things to happen now, which in turn leads to something that will happen in the future.. i'm like.. WHAT??

and when the thing in the future happens in the present, and that thing causes the future to happen, THEN.. that thing is also actually PART of the present isn't it?? because there is no way when we go from the future back to the present (or past for that matter..), we can do things to change the future.. cos well.. for us to come back from the future, the future HAS happened? and so if we change the current situation and change the future.. then the future as we know it now will not be existent.. it'll be something else! and if it was something else.. then how the hell did we get back into the present..

but well if that's the case, that we cannot change the future, then what the hell is the point of going back into the present then.. and then i'm reminded of the potter3 case again.. while u watch the movie, the stuff that happened in the present was actually happening due to interferences from the future.. which means that whatever that they were trying to avoid, or so called 'change', was avoided.. but i wouldn't say 'changed', because that thing never did happen in the first place..

ok freak this thing is getting kinda cyclical.. but basically i still can't get this future and present thing in logical structure.. can't reason it out! i guess this time travel thing CAN'T be figured out.. which is why it's still such a hot topic to use in sci-fi after DECADES..

and... bloody blogspot is really down!! can't post this today.. and i wrote so much!! i won't remember to post it tmr!! aargh.. i shld think about changing blog provider..

~ten minutes later~
i'm still getting the freaking internal server error.. and i was jus reading someone else's blog and i saw the words "go go go"..
which reminds me of what i've been doing for the past 2 weeks.. i've been watching this show (8pm ch55) called "mei3 li4 zai4 wang4" and there's this character in the show (played by guo jin4 an1) that keeps saying "go go go!"
it's a realli funny show.. and i'm beginning to like guo more and more! he's a damn gd actor! esp after watching gang4 fu1 cheng2 long2 (literally meaning goondu husband turns into dragon)..
and ok.. i must be nuts but i've kinda caught on the go go go bug.. it's quite fun doing the action actually.. basically it's jus pretending that ur both hands are guns (i.e. 3 fingers closed, index and thumb open), and then when u say go go go, ur hands go, point point point.. it's quite catchy realli!

yah.. so catch the show if u've got the time.. it's quite light.. good for relieving stress.. haha..

and it's time i go to bed...

*yawn*

go go go!

im back!

haven't been blogging for ages... (or what seemed like ages..) and in a way... it's a 'gd' sign cos this means that i've been doing so many things offline that i've no time to blog.. to complain... or to waste time..

(yeah.. so u know why im blogging now... i'm bored and i dun wanna do anything..)

ok.. so for the past week there were very many things happening in my life.. first there was the news that MY FYP TUTOR HAS RESIGNED, and then there were all the related events that happened.. finding a new fyp tutor, high possibility that our whole project is gonna flop due to constraints on our experiment, rushing to think of a new topic, panicking to find out ways to attract more participants.. there we were.. emailing and calling up various tutors in skool, sometimes to great disappointment, sometimes with great relief..

during that period of time everything just seemed as if it took so long.. we tried to settle all our problems asap so that we can start studying for our exams.. (now that i've finally started, im feeling damn sian..) and as ms zhenzhu put it, we solved our problems quite quickly.. in fact.. by the end of the week we've gotten ourselves a new tutor, and the scope of our experiment was changed such that we dun need TWO HUNDRED participants anymore.. (but well.. i guess that also has a bearing on our grades..)

apart from this, i've also gotta go for an interview with mas on the 9th... it's a 4 HOUR LONG interview which includes: essay writing, group discussion with 4 other candidates, an informal session with a few senior officers, and a one on one session with the HR manager.. SCARY! and i'm realli afraid that i'll screw it up.. i've no idea how i'm supposed to prepare for it.. i've browsed through the mas website but i dun think they need us to know technical details rite? or maybe i'm wrong.. i dunno.. and i just remembered that the interview skills workshop that i signed up for is on the 8th of dec.. how timely..

anyway.. i've been studying in the skool library for the past 2 days.. everyone's like busy mugging there.. and i heard there are ppl that queue up outside the lib before it opens so as to get themselves a decent table.. (i've been studying at the computer area) and that means being at the library at an unearthly time such as 7.30AM.. or even earlier...


well i sure gotta say that studying in skool is damn productive.. there's no bed... so cannot sleep.. no food... and there's like only one chair and the most comfortable position u can get is some variant of 'sit'... and so in skool i spend like about 6 hours studying... 6 hrs of studying in one day is no mean feat.. when i study at home.. it's like... one chapter in 2 days.. distractions are one too many..


as u can see... i'm blogging now!! i guess i should be starting soon... but i know there's wo3 cai1 at 2pm and i can't bear to miss it.. but i guess i shall also try to spend my nights studying and not watching tv.. yeah.. that requires a little bit of determination.. 2 more days to the paper.. and somehow.. i think i'm extremely relaxed cos i'm only aiming for a B..


i do suppose a lowering of expectations puts alot less pressure on myself.. and suddenly i feel alot more confident... i mean.. i do think it's quite possible to get a B la.. even though I got a C for my coursework which accounts for 50%.. shldn't be too tough to pull a C up to a B.. i hope...
and yah! precisely because now i think it's attainable.. im jus not putting in that much effort to study.. cos i feel that i dun need to know so much now.. .i can afford to make more mistakes... but i guess that's not a v gd attitude to take..


and so i shall go on to read my SSAs now.. oh and has anyone tried the new soupy snax? it looks v gd on tv but i havent got a chance to go buy it... can't tell my maid to buy cos i dun think she understands.. ah welll... oh and... how's the color scheme today? =)