New determinations

I wasn't in too good a mood when I left work yesterday.
Many happenings this week that caused me to be thinking alot more.
(I've already been thinking so much that white hairs abound my head of now-rebonded hair)

Seems like there's some scheming and politicking going on and work.. But that didn't bother me too much.. Just take things easy. As long as I choose not to be part of this game, then there'll be no winner or loser.

Work aside, the thing that irked me the most was that we've lost eye contact.
Told IB about it.. and she said.. Move on!
It kinda struck me.. made me wonder if this is the sign that I was looking for. Something to tell me to give up.. I dunno, but at the same time, there's this thing about not giving up so easily..

I got that empty feeling that happened every time I finished watching the last episode of some blockbuster drama serial. It's like.. what next?

Trying to keep my head clear, I rushed off to my next meeting. Yestnite was the 1st Ikeda kayokai meeting in SG.

I'm quite glad that I attended it. They had 3 YWDs sharing their testimonials. Girls in their teens, twenties and thirties. (I'm going to briefly summarize their stories here, as a reminder to myself)

Firstly, there was S, a teenage girl who managed to introduce a whole lot of new friends to chanting. It was through her passion of really wanting to share this Buddhism with others that gave her very many chances to meet many people who were willing to take up faith almost immediately. (I used to see her around and didn't have a good impression of her cos she always had this smoky eye look even during the day.. haha) But ya, 人不可貌相!

I was reminded to never doubt the Gohonzon, no matter what happens. It suddenly made me feel slightly ashamed of myself for being troubled over trivial matters such as my job (like wat.. lousy increment)

Secondly, there was F, who just completed her education in Japan. Struggled through various difficulties in order to finance her studies in Japan. All of these, to fulfil her dream. It's like wow.. these girls are all struggling to fulfil these great dreams of wanting to change people's lives, praying very hard to excel in their lives, while I'm bothered with some very silly matters like a stupid crush.

Third was M, a lady who lost all her money in a failed business venture. Taught her that life won't always be as smooth-sailing as you want, but mostly importantly, your family will get you thru it.

Most impt takeaway was for me to continue praying hard that the best outcome will surface. And it will.

To renew my determination each day, and to score daily victories. Victory in whatever I do, overcoming all weaknesses. I realised that though I've been maintaining my daily 1 hour of prayer, my resolve has been slowly diminishing. And for nearly the whole of this week, it's been mindless chanting, mainly focusing on how sleepy I was, and when will the sand from the hourglass stop flowing..

I am now determined to ensure that every day is filled with happiness. Happiness that is gained from 'bigger' things. Such as the fulfillment of learning and sharing with others.

I must gain absolute happiness in my life!